


Raw

by Laure001



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: But James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark and James Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers are real relationships too, Happy Ending, It All Ends Well, M/M, Realisations, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Tony Stark/Steve Rogers remains the primary relationship (getting together and happy ending), a lot of pining, not just here for show, very gentle romantic sweet polyamory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:48:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27435352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laure001/pseuds/Laure001
Summary: A woman takes a candid video of Iron Man, Captain America, and the Winter Soldier after a harrowing fight.The video is…ambiguous to say the least, and soon, the whole world is talking about it…
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 38
Kudos: 69





	1. Breathing

_“Steve… Steve… Fuck, he’s not breathing… Steve… He’s not breathing… Nat, where is the fucking med team… Nat!”_

_“On its way, Iron Man.”_

_“It's gonna be too late… It's gonna be…”_

“And then… Ok, this is the Winter Soldier, right? Arriving on the scene… From the left… Right, Mira?”

“Yes, Saul, when he lands, you can see the metal arm glinting, and then of course he steps out of the shadows and the image gets clearer…”

“Landing, landing from where?”

“The few other videos of the incident we received here at _The Avengers Watch_ do not cover this zone, so, I suppose he came from a nearby roof? He’s a sniper, after all, the Winter Soldier is, I mean.”

“You call this an ‘incident.’ An alien invasion, where Captain America almost died. He…died, in fact. His heart stopped.”

“It did! Captain America drowned…and then the venom — that’s what the med team said afterward. So, back to the video… The Winter Soldier shoves Iron Man aside, which is quite a feat… and almost funny, I mean, we can admit the comical effect here, now, a week after the fact, where we know everyone's safe and sound and the death toll is pretty low…”

”Lower than it could have been anyway, if the Avengers hadn’t reacted so quickly — but yes, back to the video, the Winter Soldier hits him on the chest with his metal arm… Hits Captain America on the chest I mean, to jolt back his heart, and then starts cardiopulmonary resuscitation… Including mouth to mouth, and this is why… Well, we’ll come back to it. Facts first, interpretation after.”

“And it’s so tense here for a while, in the night, everything perfectly silent, Tony Stark just watching, eyes wide, and he’s drenched in blood, I mean, faceplate up, and his expression… Just watching James Barnes desperately trying to resuscitate his friend, and… those few seconds of absolute silence, of absolute — I want to say despair again — and Captain America is _still_ not breathing, his heart is _still_ not beating, see, and they must both think, like — it’s over…”

“And this moment here, Mira, is why this video is… I mean, one of the three most shared videos of the last ten years. The woman — the one who filmed it all, from her window, she wants to remain anonymous, she made a fortune when she sold the rights to — I do not think it’s surprising at all, actually, this success. The Avengers just saved New York — again — and then Captain America’s near-death… But you know, it’s not even… It’s — the intimacy of the whole scene. We never really see ‘inside’ the Avengers, or when we do, it’s carefully curated and they let us see exactly what they want, so all we have are rumors, or sometimes, sure, they slip, we get some inside info, but here, this is so…raw…”

“So back to the video — Captain America suddenly — he shudders, he breathes… And then Tony Stark…”

_“Fuck. Thank God. Fuck. Thank fuck… Thank… Oh God…”_

“And this is the image we have everywhere, this still of Tony Stark, I mean, who hasn’t seen it by now? The look on his face, and his hand — smearing the blood further on his cheek, while the Winter Soldier… The Winter Soldier draws back, now that Captain America is breathing on his own, and _he doesn’t react at all_ …”

“Oh come on, Saul, I disagree. The Winter Soldier reacts. He reacts very strongly — I mean, his shivering breath — right there — see? And then he goes completely still — sure, he doesn’t speak, but this — here — this, my friend, is an intense reaction.”

“You’ve always liked Bucky Barnes, haven’t you, Mira?”

“I will admit to a little crush.”

“You heard it first on _The Avengers Watch_ , Mira Jones, crushing on an international terrorist responsible for the deaths of… The number of victims is still classified…”

“Oh come on Saul! You ‘like’ Widow!”

“I like them all, except for the Winter Soldier. He’s just so…cold, all the time… So lifeless. But I am not blaming you Mira, hey, it's not like any of us here are actually sane…”

“Well, he’s not cold now. In the video. The Winter Soldier, I mean. He gets so…angry. Furious.”

_“He could have fucking died. What the fuck were you thinking?”_

“Ha, the expression on Stark’s face…”

_“Thinking? What the hell? What do you mean 'what was I thinking', Barnes?”_

_“Why didn’t you fucking stop him?”_

_“Stop– I’m not the leader, remember? He is!”_

_“He jumped! He fucking jumped!”_

_“What, do you think he waited for my permission?”_

_“Fuck, Stark, you’re his…”_

“And this, my friends, is where all America held its breath — not only America, see how the video is trending in Japan… Except, he stopped. The Winter Soldier abruptly stopped talking, and then they both… Just — interpret it as you will. Tense silence, at the very least.”

“And the tense silence lasts… Forever…”

“Seven seconds. That’s a long seven seconds before Stark...”

_“Please give me a call when you stop Steve Rogers from fucking doing anything, Barnes. Anything. Has he ever listened to you? Has he? Cause he sure as hell doesn’t listen to me.”_

“And…tense silence again. Before…”

_“Yeah. Well. Steve’s an asshole.”_

“See, Saul, he’s showing emotion. The Winter Soldier. He smirked. Here. This, my friend, was a smirk.”

“A dark smirk.”

“Still counts.”

“A smirk is not showing emotion.”

“I disagree.”

_“And fucking learn CPR, Stark.”_

“So, anyway, we’ll stop the video here, I mean, there’s more of it, the arrival of the med team, but nothing as fascinating as… And you all know Captain America pulled out of it pretty fast, he’s already back at the Avengers Tower… So, Mira! What do we at _the Avengers Watch_ think about this now infamous video?”

“Well, first, Saul, the Avengers do not seem afraid of profanity.”

“Maybe because Captain America was unconscious. But yes, it’s pretty jarring, I mean, Tony Stark is not always the most…soft-spoken, but yeah, hearing the both of them just — as I told you, one of the charms of this Avengers’ slice of life is that it feels so…real.”

“Those images also completely disprove two of the prevailing rumors. First, the one pretending Iron Man and Captain America were not getting along… That they hated each other…”

“Yeah, Tony Stark in the video here… That’s not the reaction of someone who hates Steve Rogers. That’s real…anguish. That’s a man who is seeing his best friend and…beloved leader dying in front of him, and of course, _other_ interpretations are possible… Right, Mira?”

“And we’ll be back to these in a moment, Saul, I swear we will, but also — this video is the answer to all the people who said the Winter Soldier was a traitor — was still a traitor — that he infiltrated the Avengers to destroy them from the inside or whatever — well, the man just saved Captain America’s life. Without the slightest hesitation, I mean, he just…appeared on the scene, no uncertainty, no… He just pulled his friend from the jaws of death…with — perfect single-mindedness. Some people that I will not name would interpret his concentration as a lack of emotion. You know, people. In this show.”

“Real subtle, Mira.”

“But I see — the opposite, like, the Winters Soldier’s world just narrowed, and all his focus was on Captain America…”

“His focus, and his lips…were on Captain America.”

“Oh, I see. So I guess now is the time we tackle the rumors?”

“Now is the time! And ok, I love to be a gossip, it's the whole point of our show, Avengers’ gossip, and I do have a dirty mind, but joke aside, come on. Captain America drowned. The Winter Soldier was desperately trying to save his friend. I mean, there’s nothing here… Nothing here that…”

“Yeah, Saul, I agree. Sometimes CPR is just CPR. Also, there’s so much more to analyze in this video, so much more ambiguous stuff, so this… Come on, Barnes is just doing the right thing here.”

“Exactly, Mira. He is. Now, to the more juicy parts. ’Fuck, Stark, you’re his…’ And Barnes stops there, I mean, the Winter Soldier stops there, annnnnnnd the world goes wild...”

“The world has a dirty mind. It could be so many things! ’Fuck Stark, you’re his friend.’ ‘Fuck Stark, you’re his best friend.’ ‘Fuck Stark, you’re his role model.’”

“Please. Tony Stark is not Captain America’s role model.”

“‘Fuck Stark, you’re his…chess partner!’ So many options. No need for drastic interpretations.”

“But drastic interpretations are so much fun! Mira, you have to admit, it’s not only the words here. It’s the fact that the Winter Soldier brusquely shuts up. It’s the tense silence that follows. It’s the glaring…”

“That’s not glaring.”

“Those are not…two people who like each other. Iron Man and the Winter Soldier there.”

“We can cut Stark some slack. Barnes murdered Stark’s parents — allegedly — and sure, brainwashing, but still…”

“Ok, Mira, but how do you account for _Barnes’_ hostility then? Because… Let me… A few seconds back… Here, look. Do not tell me this is not…hatred.”

“So now the Winter Soldier has emotions?” 

“I’ll give you this one. Not exactly a positive though.” 

“See, esteemed viewers, how fascinating this video really is? We joyfully declare that no, there's no bad blood between Iron man and Captain America, only to fear Tony Stark and Bucky Barnes hate each other's guts instead…” 

“Mira, do not forget that the Avengers’ official policy — and our policy here on _Avengers Watch_ — is to use ‘the Winter Soldier’ appellation, I mean, the Bucky Barnes identity is just a theory, nothing has been officially proven. We all think that SHIELD knows… that they know _something_ , but…” 

“Captain America calls him Bucky. The others call him Barnes.” 

__“Sure, I’m just saying, officially… Anyway, back to the _sexual_ tension here…”_ _

__“I would just call it tension. So, ok, yes, Saul, I admit, the hostility is one thing, but the way it crystallizes around Captain America… Or on how Iron Man should have stopped him…”_ _

“Seriously, good luck with that. Didn’t Captain America jump in front of a death ray last year? To save a bunch of kids? I cannot believe his teammates did not stop him _there_.” 

__“I cannot believe we live in a world where the words ‘death ray’ can be uttered unironically.”_ _

__“Iron Man saved him at the time.”_ _

__“Well, he can fly, so… Back to the video, sure, the way the tension plays here, between Stark and Barnes, it does look like some kind of rivalry.”_ _

__“ _Sexual_ rivalry.”_ _

__“You throw the word ‘sexual’ around a lot.”_ _

__“We have a successful show, Mira. Guess why?”_ _

__“I’ll try to be the level-headed one here. It could just be healthy competition. Captain America — Steve Rogers — is a great guy, everyone says so. Iron Man is, what, second in command of the Avengers? I know, not officially — but with the money and the tower and the raw power of the armor, he’s not just a regular member of the team. The Avengers concept is as much about Iron Man as it is about Captain America. The both of them, they must be thrown together all the time, debriefing, strategizing...”_ _

__“So, Mira, your hypothesis here is… Iron Man and Captain America are leading The Avengers together, when the Winter Soldier suddenly appears. And he might be Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers’ best friend. So the dynamic shifts, Steve Rogers’ trust and confidence suddenly go to Barnes…to the Winter Soldier instead, and Tony Stark feels threatened? Because let me tell you, Stark doesn’t sound threatened here.”_ _

__“Yeah, ‘Tony Stark feels threatened’ is not a sentence that ever rings true. I just mean, competing for Captain America’s attention could be a perfectly respectable reason for Barnes and Stark to dislike each other.”_ _

__“How boring though. An ‘Oh Captain my Captain, I’m your best lieutenant’ dynamic? This is what you think?”_ _

__“I'm not saying this is what I think, Saul. I’m just saying, it’s a reasonable possibility.”_ _

__“And there is that smile. The 'Mira-has-a-theory' smile. So ok, you played devil’s advocate, the whole video, it could be nothing, duly noted. Now tell us what you really believe.”_ _

__“Ok, ok. So… Saul, you know I’m a romantic.”_ _

__“You’re the romantic, I’m the cynic.”_ _

__“We all read these theories about Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes having something going on in the forties, right? Except, with the homophobia at the time… Maybe nothing happened, maybe they never talked about it, but maybe there was… _sexual_ tension, your favorite expression.”_ _

__“Ok, let’s run with it…”_ _

__“And then, Bucky Barnes wakes up in a future—"_ _

__

__

__“He did not ‘wake up’, but sure, we know what you mean.”_ _

__“Barnes is set free from Hydra, in a future where you can be… When he can be with a man. And Steve Rogers, his best friend, his idol, the man he worships — because at least historians agree on this, that James Buchanan Barnes worshipped Steve Rogers… I lost track of my sentence somewhere but anyway, here he is, Barnes, in the twenty-first century. And Rogers is miraculously alive. And they’re both still young, and at last they can… They could… Barnes could tell him…”_ _

__“But…”_ _

__“But Steve Rogers has moved on. He’s with Iron Man now, well, with Tony Stark. He did not wait.”_ _

__“Why would Rogers wait? Barnes was supposed to be dead. Again, _if _the Winter Soldier is really Bucky Barnes. You know, allegedly, whatever, please don’t cry wolf or fake news in the comments.”___ _

____“But you see the cruelty of fate here. Steve Rogers has been out of the ice for what, three years? And I cannot believe he jumped Iron Man’s bones on the first day — if it happened, of course. If it happened… I mean Stark and Rogers disliked each other at first, right?”_ _ _ _

“They clearly did. Unless it was all a show for the cameras to…ta daa! Cover their secret _sexual_ relationship... Please note the sultry voice.” 

____“Ah, but I can't believe it, Saul. Remember the Avengers’ press conference, in the beginning, one month in? Where… I mean, Tony Stark made all those snide remarks — to Rogers — on camera — and they were not friendly jabs either, and you could just see Steve Rogers wanted to throttle Stark. I mean, he stayed perfectly polite, but the exasperation was palpable…”_ _ _ _

____“Honestly? It was hilarious.”_ _ _ _

____“So, Stark and Rogers, it didn’t happen in a day. Again, if it happened. Let’s say they got together, I don’t know, two years ago...”_ _ _ _

____“Why two years ago?”_ _ _ _

____“That's when Tony Stark cleaned up his act. No more drunken scenes, no more wild partying…”_ _ _ _

____“Women though. A lot of women. Still.”_ _ _ _

“Ah, but see, Saul, now it’s my turn to say the women — at this point — were a way to cover their _sexual_ relationship…” 

____“Your voice is not sultry enough.”_ _ _ _

____“But think about the timetable. Captain America found the Winter Soldier what, fourteen months ago? So… At the time Bucky Barnes was slowly clawing his way back to rationality Steve Rogers had only been dating Stark for a year. Maybe less. Maybe only for a few months.”_ _ _ _

____“I think I see where you’re going with this...”_ _ _ _

“And I mean, you would have to be… If my theory is right, of course, Barnes would have to think… I mean, he just missed his chance. _By a few months_. Do you fathom how… I’m going to use the word ‘cruel’ again. How cruel it is. Because of course Steve Rogers would be faithful to his…partner. Of course he would not sleep around." 

____“Steve Rogers is so not sleeping around that we do not know of any relationship — I mean since Captain America woke up, nobody has seen him with anyone. In a romantic way.”_ _ _ _

____“Steve Rogers would not dump Stark saying, ‘hey, sorry pal, that guy I liked during WWII is back, so bye now, thank you Tony, we had a good run.' Of course Rogers would stay with Stark, of course he would not even consider… And then there’s Bucky… Barnes, the Winter Soldier, whatever, he…lost it all. The love of his life, he missed him. As I said...by a few months. If only Steve had waited. Just a little more. Just a few weeks. And Bucky - Bucky Barnes - he knows it’s not gonna happen now, not ever. He went to hell, and he got out, and it's too late. He’s too late.”_ _ _ _

____“God, Mira. That is depressing."_ _ _ _

____"Sorry."_ _ _ _

____"Tragic.”_ _ _ _

____“Well, the Winter Soldier is a tragic character.”_ _ _ _

____“No argument there. It’s all theory though — the story you just told?”_ _ _ _

____“Oh absolutely. Just…fanfiction. When I saw that video, my mind just… That’s all. No proof.”_ _ _ _

____“Who knows, I mean, The Avengers’ PR rep is making a statement tomorrow…”_ _ _ _

____“They’ll just deny everything.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, probably. Ok, thank you Mira, for your fascinating theories... Alas, we have to wrap this up, but…”_ _ _ _

____“Wait — Saul, a last thing? If I may?”_ _ _ _

____“My generosity knows no bounds.”_ _ _ _

____“Ok, remember when everyone was talking about the Iron Man/Hulk sexual tryst rumor? We had so much fun here on the show. And oh my God, the art, in the comments…”_ _ _ _

____“Some of it? Seriously. Legendary.”_ _ _ _

____“But see — we were just messing around. The Hulk and Iron Man! Nobody believed a word of it, except maybe some crazy guy in a basement somewhere… It was only a ridiculous, colorful fantasy. Here, today… It’s not the same. I have no proof, I will never have proof, but what I told you… I believe in my interpretation. When I saw this video... Their faces. Their shared fear. Their...antagonism. It just…jumped at me, as obvious, what was happening. What I think is happening. When I see him…”_ _ _ _

____“The Winter Soldier?”_ _ _ _

____“Yes. You see indifference, Saul. Or anger. I see…pain. Raw pain.”_ _ _ _

____**_ _ _ _

____“Come on guys, I like Captain America well enough, but you will ruin my street cred with all this talk. You know I have a date tonight, right? What will the lady think?”_ _ _ _

_(...) Tony Stark, rocking new sunglasses, answering questions in the street on Thursday afternoon. We believe the ‘lady’ to be Ornella Richardson, the famous…_

____**_ _ _ _

____“Thank you everyone for coming today. On behalf of the Avengers team, we want to start by denying all rumors of romantic entanglement between Tony Stark and Captain Rogers…”_ _ _ _


	2. Trauma

**Tony Stark:** No, and also, oh my _(indecipherable)_ NO. Never again, I am never going to talk to this woman again in my life. In all my oth– _(indecipherable)_ even if the universe ends up destroyed by a gargantuan lethal carnivorous menace, and she and I are the only survivors – wait – yes, hi, no, busy, talking – on the phone, as you see – this is a phone – ok, see, it’s supposed to be a sign, when people are talking on the phone, in the fucking street, that they don’t want to be bothered – even for an autograph, again, in the fuck _(indecipherable)_ – sure, a good day to you too – IRONY, PAL! Even if she and I are the only survivors, agonizing on the wandering remnant of an ochre, dreary, dry planet, one of those _(indecipherable)_ and we are dying of– of thirst, and the only way to make water spring forth like a crystalline phantasmagoric miracle out of the scorched surface is to TALK TO HER, I won’t.

 **Steve Rogers:** I can't see why.

**Tony Stark:** Why what? 

********

********

**Steve Rogers:** People pretend you’re overdramatic. 

********

********

**Tony Stark:** Just a sec. _(Mumbled conversation)._ Yes, great, thank you. And a glass of white wine – right – the Quincy? Wonderful. Ok, so, Steve. This is my serious voice. About tomorrow.

 **Steve Rogers:** This is not a secure line.

 **Tony Stark:** I _know_. But context is everything. I can say things like ‘I’m a sex God’ on a non-secure line…

 **Steve Rogers:** _(laughing)_

**Tony Stark:** …but without context _(indecipherable)_ _(muffled conversation and noise)_

 **Steve Rogers:** _(Sigh)_ Tony.

**

“And here we are back at _The Avengers Watch_ , your one and only source of Avengers news, gossip, and hazy theories! And – Saul, no - you are focusing on the words, on what is being said, while what’s mesmerizing here is what’s left _unsaid_. It’s not so much the ‘Sex God’ comment as much as Rogers laughing, really laughing…”

“Well, whatever our conflicting interpretations, Mira, I will admit it’s great to see – to hear – the strong...camaraderie between Stark and Rogers. And listening to Captain America laughing after his near-death experience a few weeks back is warming my sarcastic tiny black heart.”

“Even the ‘Tony’ at the end, I mean, Steve Rogers is exasperated by Stark’s antics, but it’s a fond exasperation.”

“Totally. And... That's enough mushiness for today! Let’s shed some blood. Esteemed readers, Mira and I strongly disagree-“

“As usual…”

“… about the signification of this – how shall I call it – hacked phone call? Although how someone hacked a phone belonging to Tony Stark I have to wonder…”

“It was not Stark's – remember, the PR team said yesterday. It was a SHIELD issued phone.”

“Badly done, agents of SHIELD! You’d think that when it comes to the Avengers, the security would be a little tighter. But of course, your incompetence is our gain. Anyway, what I hear here is two friends bantering and Tony Stark alluding to his sexual prowess with a woman…”

“A woman he hates.”

“A woman Tony Stark did some ‘Sex God’ related gymnastics with. Then the encounter turned sour, hence, this conversation.”

“A reasonable interpretation, Saul. I will stick to mine.”

“Established relationship? Between Rogers and Stark?”

“Yes. They’re flirting. Flirting! Stark knows that the line is not secure and when Rogers tells him to behave _, of course,_ it kickstarts Stark’s rebel streak and _, of course,_ he tries to push it as far as he can with without actually…outing them both, and as for the woman… Oh my god, Saul. Of course! It was not a date. It was a journalist.”

“Esteemed viewers, help. This is Mira’s ‘I had an epiphany’ look.”

“Come on, Stark is not speaking about a date here. He keeps saying ‘I won’t talk to the woman again’. _Talk._ ”

“So?”

“So she’s a journalist! Or a SHIELD agent or someone Stark was supposed to have a _professional_ conversation with. If she was a woman Stark had just…dated, he would not say ‘I don’t want to talk to her again’. He’d say, ‘I don’t want to sleep with her again', or ‘I never want to see her again,’ or, I don’t know, he would state it differently. Hence, it was not about a date, hence, the use of ‘Sex God’ is not related to the woman, hence, Stark is using it in reference to he and Rogers’ relationship.”

“ _Sexual_ relationship.”

“Precisely.”

“You know I love you, Mira, but…that’s a lot riding on the choice of a verb here. Our viewers are equally unconvinced, as proven by last week's poll - a resounding success, by the way... Ok – wait – there it is – as you can see, only 14% of our shrewd commenters here on _The Avengers Watch_ voted for Option C: _‘Mira is not delusional, Rogers and Stark are actually banging like squirrel whores on crack’_.”

“Such a professionally worded poll.”

“I am proud. So, before you blame these results on our country’s remanent homophobia, Mira… I do not buy your interpretation either, and I am as bisexual as a flattering simile.”

“Ok, why don’t you? Buy it?”

“Seriously? I don’t _want_ your theory to be true. I don’t want Tony Stark and Steve Rogers to be together. Stark is the hero, the fantasy, the myth. The perfect archetype of the single, hot, successful Prince Charming, unencumbered by Cinderella, gleefully sleeping with all the princesses of the land. A magnificent bastard. I mean, can you imagine? Stark’s rich. He’s banging all the women. He’s building robots, for Christ’s sake. ROBOTS! He’s the media’s darling. He has cool friends, a strong, powerful armor, a phallic tower, he can fly. He got power beams! Did I mention he’s banging all the hot, sexy, unattainable women?”

“So, you want to be him. To be Stark. You want to live vicariously through him.”

“Me and all the single guys on the planet, indeed, we do.”

“Pathetic, maybe?”

“Glorious! So, I am begging, you, Mira, do not spoil our fun. We don’t want Stark to be in a committed relationship. We don’t want him to be in love.”

**

Tony Stark fell in love with Steve Rogers while they were both being tortured. 

They were held in a Hydra compound, in a concrete basement. Tied with sturdy metal cables on sturdy metal chairs, and the Hydra agents really, really went to town. They wanted to know the location of a defector who had fled Hydra and turned himself to SHIELD a month ago, carrying with him trusted secrets and the launch code for a T-45 missile - then Hydra got intel stating Stark and Rogers were among the very selected people who had been trusted with the man's relocation address.

They were half right. Tony Stark hadn’t been trusted with anything, of course. But Rogers had. Rogers knew.

It took only seven hours for the others to find them. First, the piercing sound of Clint’s arrows in the distance - explosives, classic but efficient technology - then the hiss of some sort of sonic device, and at last the welcome, catastrophic rumble of the advance of the Hulk. Natacha got to them quickly, she got rid of the cables, soon they were free, Captain America already assessing the situation and giving orders, Tony Stark carried half-unconscious to the nearest hospital.

Because seven hours of professional torture is a long time in the hands of experts. The Hydra agents knew they were on a timetable, that certainly, the Avengers were already on their way. So they gave everything they had. Truth serums, electric shocks, injection of a greenish liquid which only function seemed to set your nerves on fire (even Steve was screaming) and also, you know, old fashioned methods, scalpels, hitting special parts of your anatomy with batons, and whatnot.

All things considered, a thoroughly unpleasant day.

They must have thought Captain America the most likely to know the new guy's address – and rightly so – so they focused on him more. First Rogers only gave his name and service number, after, he just screamed – he never surrendered the information, of course, Tony did not even imagine for a second he would, but when he saw Rogers weakening, Tony began to insult their jailers, laugh at them, using his superpowers of sass to draw the torturers' attention, to give Rogers a breather. It worked well. Too well. The guys were on edge, the clock was ticking, so they really worked their frustrations out on Tony – _the others are coming_ , he kept thinking, _they will be here soon, just hold on, hold on for a little bit longer,_ – and then Steve – it was difficult to think of him as “Rogers” in this situation – Steve realized what Tony was doing. So _he_ began to insult the Hydra agents to give Tony a break – and they took turns with the mockery, every twenty minutes or so, to protect the other – and the room smelled like blood and burned flesh and an eternity of suffering went by, and yes, for a moment there, Tony's reality just - twisted - like he and Steve were alone in the room, the only ones real, the pain and the men screaming as some sort of background noise but the two of them were so _there_ , you know, so there for each other – always conscious of how much the other could bear, a silent, conscious presence, whispering “I’m at your side, I can see you, you are not alone”, and then Steve didn’t shut up anymore. He just kept on taunting - to draw all the pain to him. He must have _seen_ Tony. 

The state he was in, after hours of torture. Not everyone is a super-soldier. 

The half-hidden horror in Natasha’s eyes, when she got him off that chair.

Anyway. Once they were freed, Steve totally ignored him – didn’t even spare him a glance – while Natasha and Clint carried what was left of Tony Stark through the compound to the medical team waiting outside. Rogers was back in Captain America’s mode, debriefing with the SHIELD agents, helping with triage of the wounded prisoners, his perfect bloodied and battered Captain America’s face the epitome of stoicism and indifference.

** 

Tony stayed six days in the hospital. Not feeling bitter about it. No, seriously, no irony there. If this was not enough of a bonding moment for Steve Rogers, ok, sure. What Tony had experienced must have a name, he supposed, somewhere in psychology books, “artificial bonding through shared traumatic experience” or whatever, emphasis on “artificial”. 

It was fine. Tony did not lack for friends. The important point was, Hydra did not get their hands on the guy.

Also they had both made it out alive (important too.)

**

Then Tony met Steve Rogers’ eyes near the coffee machine. Back at the Avengers Tower, Tony just fresh from the hospital. And – the way he – the way Steve looked at him. At Tony. With such. Well. Admiration. Sincere, open admiration, that he did not even try to conceal.

(Tony understood later that Captain America’s unconcerned, focused mask was just that, a mask. To be worn in difficult circumstances when emotions had to be controlled.)

Ok. So they were to become friends.

**

This look – The Steve’s Look, as Tony called it, had many variations. Admiration. Amusement. Fondness. Admiration of the second kind, for Tony’s technological prowess – the first kind, Tony learned, was for bravery.

Steve was a great friend. Open and funny. Extremely frank. Annoyingly forthright, to be honest. When he did not like something Tony did, Steve was just – yep, very blunt. But truthfulness was refreshing. They could have fiery debates, yell at each other, in the end, one of them yielded, or they agreed to disagree, and when they did, there was no rancor. They just carried on, the next day. With the same frankness, the same trust, the same…friendship.

**

After a while, Tony realized he was addicted to these looks. He wanted more of them.

He wanted them all the time.

**

Oh.

Fuck.

**(To be continued!) ******


	3. Apart

“No, he’s… The Winter Soldier is part of the team, Saul. He’s part of the Avengers. Look at him fighting.”

“I’ll disagree with you later, Mira, because, wow, these images. I will never get tired of them. This video is what, three weeks old?”

“The Winter Soldier is a great sniper, but when he’s on the ground, fighting like this, back to back with Captain America…”

“It’s a dance. It’s choreography. It’s… Look at them.”

“And when they- Captain America’s using the shield to crush his enemies, throwing it to Bucky, to the Winter Soldier, just in time for him to catch and parry… And then – wow, I wouldn’t like to be on the receiving side of this blow – then throwing the shield back to Captain America, and back again, it’s just, they are so perfectly in sync, and the raw power there… Between the two of them… ”

“Exhilarating. Also isn’t it interesting, Mira, our fascinated reaction, from a philosophical standpoint? Because – they’re killers. What they are doing right here, Steve Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes, they’re murdering people. In front of cameras. In front of us. And we’re loving it. We’re calling it beautiful.”

“These creatures they’re fighting here, though… Brainwashed Mutant Evil Super Soldiers who started to destroy a city and kill each and every habitant as if they were on a mission from God.”

“They're still human though. And the brainwashing makes it worse, not better. Barnes was brainwashed for so long – in this fight, he’s basically slaughtering versions of himself...”

“The moral pitfalls and paradoxes of the superhero gig, here for you to ponder on _The Avengers Watch_! And what a perfect transition, Saul, to get back to our heated debate of the day… Is the Winter Soldier an integrated part of the Avengers team, or is he just a barely reformed killer the other Avengers tolerate because of Captain America?”

“And it’s on! Exhibit A, the video sent to us ten days ago from faithful viewer Anonymousforthisone… An inside video, secretly taken during an Avengers’ private party, inside Stark Tower! As we already dedicated three whole shows to this video, analyzing every little detail, starting with Thor’s taste in clothes to trying to lip-read what the hell Banner was whispering to Romanoff on the couch, we will not repeat everything and just refer you to those glorious moments... One thing Mira and I had to agree on, though, was that during that party, Barnes never joined the fun. As a much more murderous Mr. Darcy, he stayed on the edges of the room, brooding handsomely and observing the merry crowd with haughty disdain…”

“You’re rarely calling him ‘The Winter Soldier’ anymore.”

“Yeah, I know I said we should. But as even the Avengers PR team slips and calls him Barnes now...”

“Back to our debate, yes, I must admit that Bucky Barnes did not look as he was part of the group, but it was a very noisy party, so maybe he’s just that much of an introvert. Oh, who cares. You know why I ADORED this video anyway, Saul, I just spent three entire shows explaining how everything – every look, every expression, was supporting my theory…”

“Esteemed viewers, Mira thinks the Winter Soldier is in love with Captain America. She thinks Iron Man is in love with Captain America.”

“I think Stark and Rogers are _together_ , and Bucky-”

“Mira thinks the whole world is in love with Captain America. Why would _everybody_ fall in love with Captain America?”

**

**Seven reasons to fall in love with Captain America, by Tony Stark.**

Let’s just go over last week, shall we?

 **Monday. (The speech.)**

The fight against Super Freaks Associated was not going well. SHIELD was supposed to send reinforcements, they didn’t. The military did, but the men did not listen to the Avengers. They had their orders, they said. Didn’t take orders from ‘government issued militia,' they said. Result, the hotel was not evacuated in time. Ten tourists, eaten alive. 

Literally. Turns out, Brainwashed Mutant Evil Super Soldiers feed on human flesh.

Morale of the Avengers, pretty low.

6 pm. Steve walks toward the soldiers. In civvies, blood stained clothes, shield on his back. The men are tense, the officers tell him to back off. Steve doesn’t. He talks to them. About the war and difficult choices and he understands the importance of orders but people really need them, people need help, right now, innocents civilians trapped in this town. The Avengers want to save them, the military want to save them, “and if we don’t collaborate,” Steve says, “if we don’t trust each other, they will die.”

It all goes flawlessly after.

 **Tuesday. (The absence of yelling.)**

More fighting. Stark receives an urgent message from Pepper Potts and diverse PAs about Very Important Things going on at Stark Industries. (Stark is me. I am Stark. This is my narrative. I’m thinking this. But I’m also telling it in the third person, like this ‘why fall in love with Steve Rogers’ was a report I wanted to analyze. It’s fun. Please humor me.) 

Stark is distracted. He should not be. Very Important Things going on at Stark Industries are not as important as actual lives. But Stark is a moron, sometimes. The rest of the time, he’s awesome. Stark makes a mistake, maybe two. Doesn’t listen to Captain America’s orders. Things go wrong, Stark crashes down on a torn piece of asphalt, two Super Freaks leap on him, go at him, trying to crack the armor. The Winter Soldier gets rid of them. Tears them to pieces, even. 

Later in the evening. The Avengers believe the fight is over. (It isn’t, spoiler for Wednesday.) The team is eating, resting, getting some shuteye in a half-destroyed lobby. Does Steve yell at Stark for not following instructions? No. Steve doesn’t yell. (Honestly, it would be better if he did.) He just asks Stark to sit down with _that_ voice, the stern Captain America's voice, and he asks for an explanation for the distraction and for the whole disobeying orders tomfoolery, and they, hum, they fight. (Metaphorically, of course.) The others make themselves scarce, except it’s one big room, in shambles. So they just do their best to move away and pretend they’re not listening.

But the fight never veers into the personal, never. They never allude to, you know. It’s Captain America, leader of the Avengers, having tactical dissensions with Iron Man, obnoxious but charming member of the team. Iron Man finally apologizes. Yeah, yeah. I know.

Stark meets Barnes’ eyes while they’re still fighting, while he, Stark, is still fighting with Rogers, I mean. There’s loathing there. From Barnes. For Stark. A “how dare you” kind of emotion (how dare you disobey Steve and then yell at him, Stark supposes), but like, a million times stronger. A “how dare you” on heroin. On crack.

Stark, who is awesome, goes to Barnes when it’s all over. To thank him. For getting rid of the two Mutant Super Soldiers who were trying to crack open the armor like an egg, and they were inhumanly strong, so, who knows. Barnes doesn’t answer. He just turns away and leaves. Oh, also? He snarls.

_Snarls._

This guy.

 **Wednesday. (What it means.)**

3 am. Everyone’s trying to sleep, in the same room, on the floor. Rogers and Stark lying close to each other, but no shenanigans. The team knows, but still. Never in front of them. Never in Avengers mode. It’s been a bad day though. Their fight. Iron Man falling. The civilian casualties. So, discreetly, in the dark, Steve extends his hand and takes Stark’s in his, and presses it, just once. 

It means, “I’m glad you’re not dead.” It means, “I’m glad I have you on the team.” It means, “I’m glad you’re here with me.” It means, “Iron Man and Captain America can disagree, but this, here, between us, is different.”

It means – everything.

The Winter Soldier is crouched in a dark corner alone, not sleeping.

Later in the morning. Surprise! The fight is not over! Told you in the spoilers. One Super Freaks is still free, and he decides to avenge his companions by having a kamikaze moment. He strapped himself with some bomb, he runs toward Captain America and Banner who are helping with the wounded, and he just, like, explodes. Also. There are more of them, three more Super Soldiers, all strapped with bombs. Also running. Toward. Steve. 

Stark is too far to intervene. The Winter Soldier is too far to intervene. As fate goes, they are standing close to each other when it happens, and the only thing they can do is freeze in horror and watch as Steve pushes Banner behind him and angles himself to protect as many of the wounded as he can from the deflagration – he raises his shield – Steve is not in the suit, but thank God, thank all the Gods Stark doesn’t believe in, he has his shield.

When the dust settles, Steve is seriously wounded. Iron Man is already soaring in the sky, cause, when we said, “the only thing they can do is freeze in horror” it also meant, of course, AND SUMMON THE ARMOR.

Remember the three other Super Freaks carrying bombs and running? Iron Man’s repulsors reduce them to purée. Before their bombs explode. The Hulk gleefully reduces the rest of the warehouses to purée, too, just in case.

There’s a moment. Caught by the armor’s cameras. Steve, on the ground, still standing (of course he’s still standing) looking up, up, up, up, following Iron Man – following Iron Man rising in the skies before the sheer destruction that follow, and Steve’s expression, for a fleeting moment. The admiration, the exhilaration. The awe.

It’s not impossible this chunk of video has later been preciously preserved.

_Right, JARVIS?_

_Indeed, sir._

**Thursday. (The smile. The goodness. The stubbornness. The idiocy. The, ugh.)**

They’re back at the Avengers Tower but Steve still wants to go to the gala tonight.

They’re back at the Avengers Tower and as stated previously Steve is SERIOUSLY WOUNDED but he still wants to go to the gala tonight. Because “he doesn’t want to disappoint the children.”

Before the actual gala – to raise money for asthmatic kids – Captain America is supposed to spend an hour with thirty of those aforementioned kids, answering questions and playing with them.

There’s yelling. From Stark. Steve goes anyway.

It could look, to an impartial observer, as if Stark was yelling a lot. At Rogers. It’s not true. Really. It actually never happens. Ok, very rarely. It’s just. This fucking week.

Then a fuming Stark catches a glimpse of Steve’s stupid ugly dumb face on one of the screens in the workshop, because there’s a quick newsflash about the asthma gala, with like, three seconds of Captain America (cowl down) smiling and playing with the kids, and ok.

Sometimes, your heart does a painful somersault, and it’s not connected to any arc reactor at all.

This might be when Stark got the idea for the “seven reasons to fall in love with Steve Rogers” imaginary text project.

 **Friday. (The normalcy.)**

Nothing. Steve gets better. Stark works. They do what they normally would, but together, in each other’s space. Steve hangs out in Stark’s workshop, resting on the couch, fiddling with his tablet, answering messages, a few phone calls. Stark works on new, more resistant armor designs for the team, able to sustain the full blast of an explosion at close range.

No allusion to the previous day disagreement at all. As if it never happened.

It’s great. To feel each other’s silent presence. Pretty much a perfect day. Then a perfect night. In a perfect bed, in the Tower, protected from the world.

**Saturday. (Same.)**

Same. 

Two perfect days in a row.

 **Sunday. (The dedication.)**

Steve is gone all day. SHIELD debriefings. (Yes, on a Sunday). Meeting a member of parliament who wants to brainstorm “important security issues,” Stark suspects, the guy just wants Captain America’s autograph. Happens more often that you’d think. 

Then, another gala. Another disease. Different children.

He’s still in pain. Steve. His body still reeling from the explosion, he’s healing fast, but that blast would have killed anyone else.

He’s still going though, and this time Stark doesn’t even try protesting.

**

So, that’s it, right? Seven days, seven reasons to, you know. 

Nine, really. A million.

**

Still Sunday. No Captain America on the news this time. Stark is working, he asks JARVIS to replay the images of the asthma gala from Thursday. No reason, just… Steve. Smiling.

That’s when Stark sees it. (Sees _him_.) He asks JARVIS to freeze the frame.

**

Barnes (aka Bucky, aka The Winter Soldier) is present that night. On the frozen frame, you can spot him on the left while Steve entertains the kids. Barnes is well dressed, black slacks, dark grey dress shirt. Leaning on the wall, looking at Steve.

Staring. 

Burning.

**

Stark is not blind. Or maybe, he has been blind too long. Because this, ladies and gentlemen, is love. Or, more accurately, barely restrained passion.

So, ok. This is another bomb, and this one is walking near Steve, fighting alongside him, all the fucking time.

**

“You can’t even look at me,” Tony Stark begins.

Avengers Tower. One night. The others have gone to sleep. Stark and Barnes, alone in the living area. 

Of course, Barnes looks at him then. With his cold, blue eyes. Bland. Expressionless. 

“I look at you.”

“On the field.”

“That’s where it counts.” 

Barnes talks with perfect, metallic indifference. Tony is fascinated. Has been fascinated for weeks, since the asthma gala’s images. Now that Tony _knows_ , he’s been studying Barnes closely. Scrutinizing his every move, his every expression. The way Barnes always stays slightly on the outskirts of the group. The way Barnes stares at Rogers (all the time.) The way he watches the others, when they laugh, when they have fun. Without him. Always without him.

Tony is a James Buchanan Barnes’s expert now. 

Steve has psychological camouflage too, his carefully indifferent expressions. But behind the mask? Fire, warmth, passion. Obstinacy. Kindness, strength, capacity for love. 

Behind Barnes’ unresponsive face…

(Tony wants to know. If Steve is in danger. He wants to hear the truth from Barnes’ lips. He wants to shake the guy until he obtains a fucking human reaction.)

He steps closer. “You cannot even look at me, Barnes. Outside combat. When we are all here, relaxed, hanging out, you cannot watch because then you’d see me looking at Steve, and you cannot bear it.”

Barnes takes a step back. An actual step back. Fuck. The guy could kill Stark with a negligent backhand flick and he’s backing down. An emotion flickers on his face, imagine that. Might be guilt. Stark pushes his advantage and takes another step forward. 

“Or you would see Steve looking at me and you cannot bear that either.”

Barnes doesn’t back away this time, and whatever emotion was there crystallizes in perfect ice, and Tony leans over and kisses him.

Barnes leans into the kiss. A second passes. Two. For a moment they are… They are actually…

Barnes steps away, HORROR on his face.

Tony is petrified. He has no clue why… He doesn’t know why the hell he… What the hell just happened. 

“Are you cheating on Steve?” Barnes shouts.

“No!” 

“But you just… You… You just…”

“I- It’s not cheating if I tell him.”

Barnes takes another step back. Talking of emotions, a thousand on his face right now, dancing and screaming, a violent, painful mess, grief and rage and disgust and betrayal definitely on the list.

“Are you…having one of those relationships where… You know what, I don’t even want to know, you disgust me,” he spits, before stalking away, leaving Tony alone in the luxurious, deserted space.

**

Fuck.

Now he has to tell Steve.


	4. Begging

**_(Relevant context.) Keywords, James Buchanan Barnes / missing conversation / Natasha Romanoff / Possible dangers (31) (personal nature)._ **

**James Buchanan Barnes:** …done something, I’ve done something bad, very bad, I can’t. Can’t talk about it here.

 **Natasha Romanoff:** _(indecipherable, in Russian. Intonation: friendly.)_ It’s safe here. In this room.

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** No. No. Stark is here.

 **Natasha Romanoff:** Stark?

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** JARVIS. Stark. JARVIS/Stark is everywhere. 

**(Self):** I can assure you, Sergeant Barnes, that I am quite different from Tony Stark, in spirit, character or manners. And when privacy is required, I…

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** You record everything. 

**(Self):** Certainly, Sergeant, but…

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** If Stark orders you to play the recording, you will. 

**(Self):** True, but…

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** What happened yesterday. You recorded it. For Stark’s eyes. For him. You recorded it.

 **Natasha Romanoff:** _(indecipherable, in Russian. Intonation: loving.)_ what have you done?

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** Disloyalty. I was disloyal. I was. I betrayed Steve. 

**Natasha Romanoff:** I…highly doubt that.

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** No. I did. Unforgivable. Steve will forsake me. He will never speak to me again. 

**Natasha Romanoff:** Did you kill Stark?

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** No!

 **Natasha Romanoff:** Did you maim Stark?

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** Worse. Now he will end me. Decommission me. Which is fair- Only fair, when- 

**Natasha Romanoff:** Decommission…?

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** Steve. I was disloyal loyalty is essential to the handler/asset relationship he’s right Steve will sever the relationship sever my head it’s only fair I let him down he offered me loyalty I was a felon to my to my to my handler I

 **Natasha Romanoff:** _(indecipherable, in Russian. Intonation: unknown)_ Ok, let’s get you to medical. Come with me. No, no, _(indecipherable, in Russian. Intonation: affectionate)_ don’t…

 _(Metal arm whirring)._ **James Buchanan Barnes (Sergeant):** No. 

**Natasha Romanoff:** Come with me, walk with me… I swear, I-

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** No. Not medical. No. Steve will do the ending. No. Not medical. _(Metal arm whirring)._

 **Natasha Romanoff:** …

 **Natasha Romanoff:** Ok. Ok.

 **(Self):** Ms Romanoff, shall I summon help?

 **Natasha Romanoff:** JARVIS, do not do ANYTHING. Do not tell ANYONE. Anyone, you hear me? I got this. James. Bucky. You’re having a psychotic break. Do you remember how-

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** No. No Bucky. My handler calls me Bucky. Only my handler calls me Bucky.

 **Natasha Romanoff:** Look at me. Here. Now, think. Look at me. Is Steve your handler? Right in the eyes. Is Steve your handler? 

**James Buchanan Barnes:** …

 **Natasha Romanoff:** …

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** _(whisper)_ No.

 **Natasha Romanoff:** No?

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** …

 **Natasha Romanoff:** …

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** Steve is not my handler. He’s my. He’s my. 

**Natasha Romanoff:** He’s. Your?

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** My friend. Fuck. Fuck. Psychotic episode. Sorry.

 **Natasha Romanoff:** Happens to the best of us. Focus.

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** Fuck. Fuck. 

**Natasha Romanoff:** James. I am allowed to call you James, right? Not Vanya, not Bucky, not the Asset? 

**James Buchanan Barnes:** _(garbled laugh)_ I know what you’re doing. 

**Natasha Romanoff:** Is it working?

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** I’m fine. I’m fine. It was just – sorry, Natalia.

 **Natasha Romanoff:** Ok.

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** I’m fine.

 **Natasha Romanoff:** _(whispering)_ Tell me what happened.

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** Not here.

 **Natasha Romanoff:** Fine, let's go out. That bar where-

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** No. No. Not out. Not out. Directional mikes. SHIELD. Hydra. Telepaths.

 **Natasha Romanoff:** Ok. Breathe. 

**James Buchanan Barnes:** …

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** You will smile. You will say, ‘Is that all?’ You will consider it unimportant. It is not. Disloyalty in intimate acts weighs more than bigger gestures. More than exterior acts of loyalty. Intimate acts are symbolic. Significant. Steve will... Steve will...

 **Natasha Romanoff:** Ok. JARVIS, when is Steve coming back?

 **(Self):** Tomorrow morning, I believe, Ms Romanoff. Of course, it all depends. The conference…

 **Natasha Romanoff:** We are speaking _now._ JARVIS, please disable yourself and any surveillance in this room for the next twenty minutes.

 **(Self):** I apologize, Ms Romanoff, but seeing the intensity of emotions deployed, I have come to the conclusion that Sergeant Barnes has the potential to harm Mr. Stark, Captain Rogers, or himself. In consequence, I cannot in good conscience exclude myself. In fact, speaking of loyalty, I must warn you that despite your previous instructions, I now believe it my duty to report everything I witnessed here to Mr. Stark, as soon as…

 **Natasha Romanoff:** …

…

 **James Buchanan Barnes:** _(whispering)_ What are you doing?

 **Natasha Romanoff:** JARVIS, my action here is not an act of aggression. This is only a temporary measure. Thirty minutes, max. I do not wish to offend you.

 **(Self):** I appreciate the warning, Ms Romanoff, but I doubt this device has the potential to affect me. If this SHIELD’s?

 **Natasha Romanoff:** No.

 **(Self):** Again, Ms Romanov, as much as I respect your abilities and your impressive network of allies, I do believe you overestimate yo---------------------------------------------------------------------------

_(connection severed)_

**

“So Mira, you are in command today on _The Avengers Watch_ , and from what I understand, we are in for a Winter Soldier’s extravaganza – I would love to say, his ‘best hits’, but that would be in bad taste…”

“A Winter Soldier’s extravaganza it will be, Saul. Consider it retribution for all the Widow sexy videos...”

“Those were not…”

“Natasha Romanoff fighting, in slow motion, with music?”

“Viewers keep sending them as– as art. It’s art! Do you want me to insult our viewers’ _art_ , Mira?”

“Do I. Anyway, on _The Avengers Watch_ today we attempt to answer the fascinating question posted by Uniqueredhead023 two weeks ago: ‘What about the Winter Soldier’s mental health? Is James Barnes getting better?’”

“’Nope!’ answered most of our trusted commenters. ‘Barnes?’ they wrote. ‘Brainwashed, glassy-eyed and feral, still and always. No self-actualization in view, no madam,’ they wrote.”

“And it will be both my duty and my pleasure to prove everyone wrong, Saul – so let’s begin with the familiar images of the first public Winter Soldier appearance, in DC, fighting Captain America, Black Widow and the Falcon…And yes, sure, there Barnes was – brainwashed, glassy-eyed, feral." 

"Ferocious." 

"So, that’s the starting point. This is our James Buchanan Barnes baseline. The next images we get – here – all blurry, you remember, Saul, he’s – Barnes is very dirty, in a grey hoodie, greasy hair, walking alongside Captain America – in civvies, they’re crossing the street, and the man who filmed this – he struck gold, I mean, he thought he was getting a glimpse of Steve Rogers, and what he got instead was the first images of the Winter Soldier’s since the DC disaster…”

“A known felon, a ruthless killer, one of America’s Most Wanted… _in the company of Captain America_. Just, you know, casually strolling down the street. The outrage that followed, the incomprehension… Rogers was arrested less than two hours after the video went online. Handcuffs, police car, the whole shebang. Barnes, vanished into the ether.”

“After this, Saul, the legal aspects get pretty fuzzy. Stark’s best lawyers swooping down like ferocious eagles. Rogers is set free – while everywhere people begin to compare the Winter Soldier’s face to Bucky Barnes’ old WWII photographs. Rumors go wild, Nick Fury reappears – everyone thought him dead after the whole Hydra reveal…”

“Then, BAM, four months later, press conference. Presenting: The Winter Soldier as the latest Avenger. Which – for some reason – makes him…immune from prosecution? For a while? It’s not – nothing is quite transparent here, right?”

“The only thing that makes the Winter Soldier ‘immune’ from prosecution, Mira, is Stark’s money, the power and symbolic importance of the Avengers, and the fact that the government has decided, I suppose, it was in their best interest to keep Captain America’s fighting for – well, America.”

“The day they change their mind and try to arrest Barnes, I don’t want to be here for the fallout.”

“Are you kidding me? The day they change their mind, _The Avengers Watch_ will TOTALLY be here for the fallout, delighting in every second of the delicious drama… But we are veering off course. ‘Is The Winter Soldier getting better?’ is our question of the day.”

“In a way, I already proved it. There is already a chasm between the brainwashed murderer in DC and the man who’s willingly walking alongside Steve Rogers in a public street – instead of, I don’t know, going on a murder rampage or just – fleeing. So – barely four months had passed, God knows what happened during that time between him and Rogers, but Barnes was already…different.”

“Ok, but what comes after – see, dozens of excerpts of – the Winter Soldier just standing _there_ , completely silent – during press conferences, Avengers’ formal appearances – sitting alone at parties, with the aforementioned glassy eyes – or with a really angry glare, like, see, here – when – ok, you’re going to say anger is progress.”

“Anger is progress! I mean, I would be angry too, if I had spent the last seventy years being tortured by Hydra…”

“Fair enough, and look, here, he smirks. Steve Rogers cracks a joke during the press conference and Barnes… Yep. This is a smile."

" Definitely. " 

“I'm curious though. The Winter Soldier’s close association with Steve Rogers – their friendship.... How does it fit with your theory that Stark and Rogers are, hum, together? Because Barnes killed Stark’s parents – allegedly, allegedly - so... Tony Stark would, hum, date his parents' murderer best friend? So that’s… How does it fit, I mean, how do you reconcile-”

“It fits.”

“Really?”

“It the _only_ way it fits, Saul. It's the only way it makes sense. Why didn’t Stark – I don’t know, try to kill Barnes? Why didn’t he bring Barnes to justice? Why isn’t Barnes in prison right now, but instead, living in the Avengers Tower? Intellectually, sure. The Starks’ deaths… Barnes was brainwashed, tortured. You could plead insanity, you could plead – Obadiah Stane is the real murderer.”

“I’d consider Hydra the guilty party, but – tomato.”

“And Stark is a smart guy, he can understand – that Barnes is not responsible – you’d have to give him some time though. You’d have to talk to him. You’d have to explain, you’d have to sit Stark down and beg him not to – ask him to take a deep breath, to think, not just _react_ blindly… And if – when – you’re with someone, in a relationship, hopefully – you – you’d give them a chance – you’d listen-“

“That must have…To sit down for this conversation – to not strangle each other… Rogers and Stark, that’s who you mean, right?”

“Yes.”

“It must have necessitated a huge amount of trust…”

_“Exactly.”_

“Oh look at that face, esteemed viewers! The cat that got the cream. Mira just scored a point, and she knows it. Ok, I still don’t – I’m still not sold on the Stark/Rogers love story, but – back to our issue of the day! The Winter Soldier’s mental…evolution.”

“Yes, so, there’s the smirk, there’s the, here, with the guy from the _Daily Bugle_. When Barnes said, super deadpan, ‘Captain America got his sense of humor from me.’ And everyone was just – floored – nobody had heard Barnes utter a whole sentence in public before – and a joke, too! Then, a month later, this audio recording of the Avengers in the tactical room… Not extremely noteworthy, the Avengers were just discussing – well, tactics. But the Winter Soldier was very much part of that exchange. Calm, reasonable, calculating. Talking with whole, complete sentences and a quite elaborate vocabulary… Listen.”

“He speaks!”

“He does! So, as you all see…”

**

**_(Relevant context.) Keywords, James Buchanan Barnes / missing conversation / Natasha Romanoff / Possible dangers (31) (personal nature)._ **

**Tony Stark:** (…) know what it’s about, JARVIS. Stop fretting. Of course, Natasha would go all Mata Hari about it, but it’s not… It’s nothing. Nothing. When is Steve getting home?

**

**_(Relevant context.) Keywords, James Buchanan Barnes / missing conversation / Natasha Romanoff / Possible dangers (31) (personal nature)._ **

**Tony Stark:** Ok, good. Good. I was 95% sure you would laugh it off, but who knows. Earnest, honest guys. So unpredictable.

 **Steve Rogers:** I am honored by your partial trust in me.

 **Tony Stark:** 95% is not partial. 

**Steve Rogers:** And you call yourself an engineer?

 **Tony Stark:** Well. Ok. I mean. 

**Steve Rogers:** I am more…bewildered than anything, really. Not doubting the power of your charms, but Bucky – is not your greatest fan, and…the fact that he even let you approach him… Did you say something? To him?

 **Tony Stark:** Nothing. Just, you know. End of the evening banter. It was a fluke, seriously. A fluke. 

...

 **Tony Stark:** To be fair, though. We never have… We never discussed exclusivity. You and me.

 **Steve Rogers:** Is it something we're supposed to discuss? I would have thought in a relationship, exclusivity was generally implied.

 **Tony Stark:** It can be. Depends on the crowd you’re running with, I suppose. 

**Steve Rogers:** Are we…not? Exclusive?

 **Tony Stark:** God, your face. We, hum, we are. Steve. Because it’s you, so. I assumed you assumed. 

**Steve Rogers:** Good.

 **Tony Stark:** …

 **Steve Rogers:** What?

 **Tony Stark:** Nothing. It’s just, I like that smile. It’s just, 95% sure, you know? But still, this pesky 5 %... A smile is good. Yep. This one, too, right now.

 **Steve Rogers:** Tony, really. I cannot believe you think I’d be shocked… dismayed! because of a drunken... Considering the threats we... Knowing what and whom we fought, the things we survived together, do you really think I would be so shallow as to - I mean, you almost die – every other week. 

**Tony Stark:** And…sure, I get that, I do, and it would not even have registered if it was anybody else - not that there would be, considering the "exclusivity" concept we just mentioned, but - this is... This is your Bucky. 

**Steve Rogers:** Bucky is not mine.

 **Tony Stark:** Right. 

...

 **Tony Stark:** Listen. Steve. I've always wondered. You never ask me, about the women. About my dates.

 **Steve Rogers:** I- Because I trust you. 

**Tony Stark:** I invite a woman to the opera and for a luxurious late-night dinner and you trust me?

 **Steve Rogers:** Bucky and I share a bedroom and you never…

 **Tony Stark:** I- ok, it’s not even in the same… You told me, it’s safer this way…

 **Steve Rogers:** I shared a room with him in Brooklyn and the therapist thought…

 **Tony Stark:** I know – I _know_ – and even if – like you’d ever...be unfaithful. Seriously? Steve Rogers, having secret affairs and lying. It never even entered my head. It's not even in the realm of possibilities. 

**Steve Rogers:** I feel like I should be offended...

 **Tony Stark:** Nah. Part of your charm.

 **Steve Rogers:** I could. Easily. Just snapping my fingers. I mean, if I wanted to...

 **Tony Stark:** Have a torrid affair with somebody else? Yes, but do you? Want to?

 **Steve Rogers:** ...

 **Tony Stark:** Ha. I win. I win! And fuck me I love that smile. I know, I know, I just said it, but, we're fighting, and still, you smile at me like this, and yep, I win. On all fronts. 

**Steve Rogers:** We're not fighting, because if we were I would win. Now, I am glad you trust me, Tony. I am. But then why would you be surprised I trust you when-

 **Tony Stark:** Oh, come on. 

**Steve Rogers:** …

 **Tony Stark:** ... 

**Steve Rogers:** I assumed you, hum. I assumed you – the women. That they were – a cover. For us.

 **Tony Stark:** You assumed rightly. But don’t you think it’s strange? That this is, again, something we never mentioned? A topic we never discussed? Wow, wait. Why are you… Steve. It’s not… Not a big deal… Not a big deal! Not worthy of...tense Captain America pacing… There will be no tense Captain America pacing in my workshop unless it is a matter of cosmic signif- 

**Steve Rogers:** I hate it. I hate that we are lying to the press, to everybody. I hate that I am lying. And worse of all, I hate that you have to pretend, that you have to… To make a show of going out with these poor women, I mean, this is not even a lie of omission anymore, it’s actual, willful deception, and the whole – I am responsible-

 **Tony Stark:** _(whispering)_ I would go public in a heartbeat. You know I would.

**

But they don’t. (Go public.) 

(Another discussion they never had.)

**

“Do not forsake me,” Bucky whispers, falling to his knees in their shared bedroom, clutching Steve’s thighs, near Steve’s bed, a bed that Steve occupies only three times a week, because the other nights, he goes to Stark, and Bucky stays here, alone, staring at the ceiling, trying not to picture what is happening upstairs, “Do not forsake me,” he repeats, burying his face in Steve’s legs because he can’t, can’t look at him right now, if he sees Steve’s face and he's – then Bucky will choke, and he will die, and Steve is saying “oh Bucky no, Bucky don’t”, and he’s talking very fast, words exactly as Natalia predicted, it’s nothing doesn’t matter who cares doesn’t Bucky know how and all these years but Bucky won’t rise up again, will never rise up again, sure, maybe there’s a chance, maybe Steve is not pretending (Steve would never pretend) maybe he’s not that mad and maybe, just maybe Steve will keep him for a little longer, but still, the shame, he doesn’t move, so Steve slides to his knees also, and embraces him, and Bucky almost chokes after all, but for different reasons, and they stay like this, in each other’s arms, till Steve falls asleep and they slowly drift down to the floor – Steve in blissful oblivion, Bucky’s eyes wide open, holding him so close. 

(so far.)


	5. Bright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please make sure you didn’t miss the previous chapter before reading this one! There were some AO3 shenanigans when I posted chapter four.
> 
> Also, sorry about changing the pitch again. I rewrote it the first time because the story had evolved, but then someone wondered if had erased my story and I realized readers might get confused, so I changed it back. 😊
> 
> And thank you, everyone, for the comments, the kudos, and the hits. I may not have many readers on this story, but you are clearly the best, the elite, with very discerning taste! :D

James (Bucky) wakes up at 5.30 am. Or doesn’t, if he didn’t sleep at all.

Avengers Tower. Steve’s room. (Two beds). Two possibilities. **(1) Steve is here sleeping,** or **(2) Steve is upstairs with Stark.**

 **(1)** If Steve is here sleeping, James (Bucky) doesn’t move for a few minutes. He listens. To Steve’s breathing. 

The days are still long. Early morning sun, shining.

The sun is good, the sun is perfect. They think he is unhappy. (They: the media, the Avengers, Stark.) But he is not, not always. He has things now. Elements of happiness. 

Steve’s breathing. The sun. 

Before, he had nothing, now, he has this.

 **(2)** If Steve’s with Stark, James (Bucky) rises as quickly as possible and leaves. 

Can’t stand the empty bedroom. Can’t stand the idea that Steve is breathing, upstairs, for someone else. 

Also, Stark. Stark could smother Steve in his sleep, while nobody’s watching. Stark is _dangerous_. 

The others (the Avengers) pretend, they smile and laugh and roll their eyes at Stark’s antics, but they know. That Stark is a freak. Could blow up the world one day. Could make a mistake, and ooops, Steve is dead, just like that, sorry Steve, didn’t mean it (Stark says).

Then James (Bucky) will kill Stark, of course. But that won’t bring Steve back.

James (Bucky) goes to the common room. The sun shines there, too, through the immense panel of glass. New York, on the other side. Like a painting.

Expresso machine. Expresso. A lot of sugar. 

Sipping coffee, near the glass. New York in the morning light. 

And that. That is.

He never thought he’d have that again.

Then. Depends. Sometimes Steve rises early too. James (Bucky) watches him, watches Steve being alive, 73 years into the future and _alive_ , his eyes follow Steve while he makes his way to the expresso machine and gets himself a coffee, also with a lot of sugar – maybe with the expensive sugar they both consume, Stark Industries will soon go out of business. 

One can hope. 

Steve joins James (Bucky) near the window. They contemplate. “Can you believe this?” Steve said, one day, gesturing at the view, and "this," this is New York gorgeous and glorious in the future, crazy buildings glittering, the trailing ghosts of planes crisscrossing the skies, helicopters, beauty, life. 

Potential. 

“No, I can’t,” James (Bucky) answers. What he really means is. _Magnificent_ , _scary_ , _fragile_ , _magnificent_ again, and also, _I never thought I would be allowed to – never thought I would deserve – I would be given the right to behold this with you at my side,_ and Steve gets it, maybe, or maybe not, it doesn’t matter.

They talk. In a low voice, about the future and the past, never about them, never about James (Bucky) or their youths, but about the town and the food and the movies and changing ethics and mores and the clothes and what’s entirely different and what remained exactly the same and one day Barton (Clint, Hawkeye) joins them and listens in silence for a while. 

Then he looks at James (Bucky) with. Astonishment? Mockery? Wonder? 

“You talk.”

“I do.”

“You never talk to me,” Barton protests, mock-offended.

“Why would I?”

Barton, real-offended.

Steve shakes his head. “Way to make friends, Buck.”

**

Then, the day. The days. 

Many possibilities.

 **(1) Meetings.** SHIELD meetings, Avengers meetings. Government meetings. Boring, but. James (Bucky) can contribute. Also, Steve.

 **(2) Nothing.** Steve leaves somewhere without him. No fight. No mission. James (Bucky) stays in Stark Tower. Locks himself up in the bedroom. Hates it. Goes crazy. Gets flashbacks. Nightmares. (If he falls asleep.) Gets paranoid. Tries to read. (It doesn’t take.) Tries to eat. (Mouth too dry.) Tries to listen to radio (podcasts.) (Can’t focus.) Puts music on. (Works for a while, then can’t focus.)

Can’t stand the empty bedroom. Wants to vomit the empty bedroom. Knows JARVIS/Stark is watching. Knows assassins are coming. James (Bucky) will kill them Steve will come back to blood and gore and say, "Bucky, you slaughtered. Innocents. Staff. Stark Staff. Delusions. Paranoia. Put you down. Like a dog. Deserve it. Can't even stand to look at you, never have, never will."

Once _that_ is under control, (what are tiny psychotic breaks between friends?) James (Bucky) steps out of the bedroom, because this bedroom is a trap, when Steve is not inside. A spiritual trap. Catches darkness and paranoia and random cruelty.

James (Bucky) goes into the big room, with the sofas and the light and sometimes, people. Avengers. Conversing. Good. If James (Bucky) is not alone in the room, then reading is easier. Listening to music on his headphones. 

If the others don’t talk to him.

Barton sure won’t. 

Sometimes Stark joins them. From, (a) his workshop (b) a trip (c) Stark Industries’ related business (d) a drunken orgy where he snorted cocaine and cheated on Steve, except – Stark doesn’t. (James (Bucky) checked.) 

The peace is shattered. Soft jazz shrieks to a halt. Stark talks super-fast – jokes pierce the headphones, shrill like Mozart Queen of the Night’s aria done wrong and James (Bucky) wants to kill Stark, right there, right now, just to FUCKING SHUT HIM UP. 

But he can’t, because.

You know why.

 **(3) Missions.** Going on missions. The helicarrier. Private planes. Helicopters. Preparation. Focus. Steve. James (Bucky) is useful. Can contribute.

 **(4) Fighting.** James (Bucky) is useful. Saves Steve. Protects Steve. Protects Stark, too. Because.

You know why.

(Imagine the look on Steve’s face if Stark died, and Steve knew James (Bucky) could have saved him but didn’t, could have protected Stark but didn’t, on purpose.)

(Imagine Steve then. The expression on his face.)

(Bucky would throw himself out of that window, that window where he and Steve both gaze at New York, Bucky would throw himself out and pray he didn’t survive the fall, rather than take one look at Steve’s face, with this expression.)

**(5) Contemplating the fact that his relationship with Steve is deeply unhealthy.**

No, really? _You think?_

That was sarcasm, folks. Also, we’ll be back.

First, back to **(4). Fighting.** Sometimes, it’s a bloody, perverted mess. Sometimes, the Avengers avert disasters and save people. And he – James (Bucky) – helps. He is a part of it. Saving people. Doing good. 

And that. 

That is. Just.

 **(6) Going out. With Steve.** Just he and Steve. Restaurants, walks. Movies. 

No comment.

 **(7) Parties.** Galas. Press conference. Charity Events. TV.

There’s hell, there’s the seventh circle of hell, there’s being tortured by Hydra for seventy years, then there are black-tie charity events.

James (Bucky) has to be present because Steve said so. James (Bucky) has to mingle because Steve said so. James (Bucky) doesn’t. Mingle. So there. Take that, Steve. 

Charity events. Where Stark reigns and laughs and has been crowned Emperor of the Universe by a universe of morons, and nobody seems to realize the Emperor had no clothes, only an armor.

But that is not hell. Hell is Stark subtly hovering around Steve all night, doing his fucking Stark’s show but still, still, always managing to stay in a twenty feet radius from Steve. Hell is Steve doing the same. Hell is Steve and Stark not eating at the same table or not speaking to the same people but still, two suns in a fucking binary system, never touching and never far, in each others’ fucking orbits. 

**

_“… and then, Mira, there’s this quote, from Captain America, about Iron Man. In the New York Times!”_

_“Actually, the quote comes from a recent documentary – Steve Rogers was interviewed about ‘his friend and colleague,’ and that’s where he said it: ‘Tony Stark, burning bright.’ Then the New York Times stole the quote for their special on Stark Industries…”_

_“And of course, Mira, you would…”_

_“Have you seen it? The documentary? Steve Rogers, smiling, with _that_ smile, saying, ‘Tony Stark, burning bright.’ Yep. Sorry, Saul. I’m going down with that ship.” _

** 

______So. Black-tie charity events. Steve, totally ignoring him. Steve never ignores Bucky, (when it’s about Steve, he is allowed to call himself Bucky.) Steve always has a smile, a word, a look._ _ _ _ _ _

______Except when._ _ _ _ _ _

______Except when Stark works a room or speaks about technology or galvanizes hordes of journalists or presents one of his fucking inventions on a fucking Ted Talk and Steve just – listens – watches – mesmerized – staring directly at the sun._ _ _ _ _ _

‘Tony Stark, burning bright.’ This fucking documentary. The fucking New York Times, this fucking quote. 

(Stark has the page framed in his workshop.) 

______**_ _ _ _ _ _

______Back to **(5) Contemplating the fact that his relationship with Steve is deeply unhealthy.**_ _ _ _ _ _

Bucky’s damaged, not dumb, so yes, he knows. He saw three different psychiatrists and five different therapists before being accepted among the Avengers. If he has really been accepted, if it was not everyone just indulging Steve, or Natasha applying just the right amount of pressure. 

Anyway. They measured his IQ. Bucky’s IQ. Extremely high, apparently. Steve’s too. 

The question is, are both their IQ extremely high because of the serum, or did Steve and Bucky survive the serum because their IQ was particularly high? It’s one of the doctors' theories. That the brain and the body are connected in mysterious ways, (really? Did you go to med school for this, people?) and that if it was not for their high intelligence and capacity of adaptation Steve and Bucky wouldn’t have, well, _adapted_ to the radical physical and psychological modifications engendered by the experiments. 

That without their brain having the capacity to process the alterations, they would have gone stark raving mad. (It’s funny, right? _Stark_ raving mad.) 

Come on. It’s a little funny. Considering. 

Bucky thinks about the past. Two lost kids in Brooklyn, surviving together. Finding solace together, everyone around them seeming dull. Bland. Beige. Bucky Barnes only really got challenged and entranced when he was talking to Steve Rogers, and Steve, well Steve must have felt the same, because his hopes, opinions, projects, political ideas, they were for Bucky, and no one else. 

______The two of them, shining bright. For each other. (Shining. Not burning. Burning is for Stark.) So, yes, maybe. Maybe the doctors are right, maybe Steve and Bucky as boys were both “gifted” or whatever, and here was one of the reasons of their mutual attraction, except with the recession and the poverty and the lack of access to higher education nobody would have ever have noticed, or cared._ _ _ _ _ _

** 

(Then Bucky’s light was extinguished, smothered, like it never even existed.) 

______**_ _ _ _ _ _

______Who else was shining bright?_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sarah Rogers._ _ _ _ _ _

______Peggy Carter._ _ _ _ _ _

______Howard, of course._ _ _ _ _ _

______And also. Now. Obviously. (Fucking New York Times, fucking quote.)_ _ _ _ _ _

______**_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sure, Bucky had always been in love with Steve. Couldn’t name it at the time, couldn’t act on it, couldn't even conceptualize it. Internalized homophobia. They have words for everything these days._ _ _ _ _ _

______But see, this love, Bucky’s love for Steve was…normal, except for the queer factor. Bucky could be in love with Steve in 1941 and still have a normal life, read, dance, fuck the ladies, see his friends, laugh and drink and go to war. Steve was not the only focus of Bucky’s existence, his magnet, his only light._ _ _ _ _ _

______The Bucky of Brooklyn would never have considered the possibility of throwing himself off Stark Tower and DIE rather than be the target of one look of disapproval. The Bucky of Brooklyn would not have silently sworn to slit his own throat the minute Steve gets tired of him because this decision is the only thing that gets him through the night sometimes._ _ _ _ _ _

I mean, who thinks like that? 

______(Bucky, apparently.)_ _ _ _ _ _

Something is very wrong here. 

______**_ _ _ _ _ _

______Morning. New York. The sun._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sipping coffee._ _ _ _ _ _

______Alone. (Steve, sleeping with Stark upstairs.)_ _ _ _ _ _

______**_ _ _ _ _ _

Maybe it’s not wrong. 

Maybe it’s very right. 

______Because._ _ _ _ _ _

Because many things are beautiful in James (Bucky)’s life, really. Small, ordinary objects, like a well-crafted wooden table, the bright hue of a painting. A warm bed, excellent coffee. Sugar. Morsels of existence they all take for granted, but Bucky doesn’t, never will. 

Fleeting, lovely moments, like Nat, Barton, Banner or Thor smiling and showing affection for each other (when Bucky’s reading and listening to jazz and they all think he is not paying attention.) Or the buzz of people chatting in a cozy restaurant while Steve's smiling and studying the menu and wondering what to order.

And that. That is.

He never thought he’d have that again.

Even this love of his, burning bright. The pain and the hatred and the longing that goes with it, it’s still – it’s still beautiful, and it’s still his. Still his to cherish. 

** 

Bucky looks at New York and sips his expresso with tears in his eyes - because, all of the above - when he hears Steve’s steps behind him. “I’m so lucky,” he whispers, knowing Steve will hear. Bucky's eyes are still red, but it's fine, Steve will get it, except Steve stills behind him so Bucky turns around to look, and it’s not Steve, it’s Tony.

_Stark._ Not Tony. Stark. It’s _Stark._

The expression on Stark's face. Like he came to talk about something, the “incident” maybe, but now he stares at James (Bucky) instead. Then Stark decides against it, whatever _it_ was, apologizing or rationalizing or threatening or whatever senseless idea got his mental vote this morning, he just looks at Bucky for another second and gives a little nod, as in understanding, then he steps away and goes get himself coffee. 


End file.
